A piece of mind
by JTheGoblinKing
Summary: Messing with David Bowie's head


Disclaimer: The following is an old Labyrinth fan fiction I wrote for a Labyrinth fan fiction group years. Labyrinth belongs to Henson. Most, if not all, of the Labyrinth fan fiction I am going to post here is at least ten years old, if not older. You will see the original dates they were written placed into these documents. These fan fictions predate the canon of Return to Labyrinth.

To: .

Subject: [labyfic] A piece of Mind (Part 1 of 2)

From:

Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 19:28:40 EDT

A piece of mind. (The Cracked actor)

(Yes, I have lost my mind. And I blame David Bowie and that's why I

am writing this. Let's see just what happens when an insane man wishes away

ALL the voices in his head!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Jareth and I most certainly do NOT own

David Bowie or his character portrayals.

Small warning: This story contains some adult humour, please do not

take offense. It is supposed to be in good fun. If this fan fiction offends

anyone I deeply apologize.

David Bowie personas and or characters of this story:

David Robert Jones------------ A young struggling, singer/ painter (Bowie

before he became David Bowie)

Jareth ------------- Goblin King *(Labyrinth)*

Ziggy Stardust---- Sexually "Free", angst and drug induced rock persona out

for a good time- believing himself to be a messiah from Mars, singing his

message of sexual liberty through Rock 'n roll music. (The rise and fall of

Ziggy Stardust and the spiders from Mars)

Major Tom------------ (Astronaut of Space Oddity and Ashes to Ashes the

song, somewhat similar to The man who fell to Earth)

Hallowe'en Jack ------- Ziggy Stardust, while obsessed with the novel 1984,

with an eye patch

Aladdin Sane------------ Ziggy Stardust with a different make up job,

supposedly more mature.

Thomas Jerome Newton----------- Melancholy, alcoholic alien who had his

vision destroyed by x-rays. (The man who fell to Earth)

The Thin White Duke------------ A drug induced persona believing himself to

be The man who fell to Earth- delusional man. (Album, Station to Station)

Monte------- Habitual liar, bad gambler ( The Linguini Incident)

Mr. Rice------------ Four hundred year old man, kept alive by potions

(Exhuming Mr. Rice AKA Mr. Rice's secret)

Paul---- Somewhat dazed gigolo (Just another gigolo)

Major Jack Celliers --------------- A prisoner of war- soldier of world war

two (Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence.)

John Blaylock--------- Rapidly Aging Vampire (The Hunger)

Vendice Partners --------------------- (Absolute Beginners)

The Shark ------------------------- A shark (Yellowbeard)

Colin Morris ----------------------- A nerd (In to the Night)

Pontius Pilate ----------------- (The last temptation of Christ)

Phillip Jeffries -------------------- (Twin Peaks: Fire walk with me)

Andy Warhol ----------------------- (Basquiat)

Bernie ---------------------------- Gangster under blackmail over his

sexual desires. The second hand of a Mafia like group. (Everybody loves sun

shine AKA Busted)

A gun-toting pistolero ------------------------ ( Il Mio West )

Mefastophalies ------------------------- The Devil (Faust- the play)

The elephant man ---------------------------- (The Elephant man)

The leader of the dreamers---------------( Omikaron- the computer game) (I

hope I spelt that right)

Johnny ------------------------ An American, jealous, dancing, lover,

stalker, who batters his wife. (The song I'm afraid of Americans, John, I'm

only dancing, John, I'm only dancing (again), Repetition)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

They say that there are many aspects to the human mind, like the tiny

facets to a crystal. What if that crystal were to shatter or were cracked?

David Bowie tossed and turned in his sleep. His beautiful yet

currently very large wife, Iman lay beside him. He could not sleep. The

voices in his head would not shut the Hell up! Finally exhausted from the

constant banter inside of his own head he sat up right.

"Say it!" One of the many voices chanted over and over again. "Say it!

Say it! Say it!"

"Do it! Do it!"

"No, don't! You don't know what you're doing!" Cried a frantic

other.

He smiled to himself musing at the idea of wishing them all

away, making them be quiet just for once. He grabbed the prescription bottle

off of the nightstand as well as the glass filled with ice water. He

swallowed down the pills, about three of them, and took a large gulp of the

water. He sighed as he lay back down on the bed.

It was storming outside. He fancied for a moment that it was the

perfect weather for the Goblin King- the only one of them "Them" that didn't

haunt him from within.

He could hear the birds chirping outside. The sun would rise very soon. The

sky was very light. And he was due at The Roseland Ball Room that day and

yet he still had not had a wink of sleep that whole night.

The chatter of the inner voices grew louder and louder still.

Exhausted, and wishing also that he had not spent the last thirty

six hours straight playing in cyber space in BowieNet chat rooms under

various screen names he whispered under his breath with a slight chuckle. "I

wish the goblins would take you all away=E2=80=A6 right now."

He realized his mistake all too late. Everything that he was,

everything that he had been was gone. And the quiet, simple, passionless man

shut his eyes, indifferent to his situation and fell in to a deep, dreamless

sleep.

In the throne room of The Castle just beyond the Goblin City

Jareth sat idly in his throne. He was bored. It was early in the afternoon

in The Underground. He rolled a crystal in his right hand. His fingers were

constantly active in turning the perfect little sphere. His legs were draped

over the arm of the throne as he sat, somewhat awkwardly and yet rather

comfortably on his throne.

The chatter of several similar voices came abruptly as several

crystals appeared in the throne room, each floating in to the room from a

different direction, dangling in the air as if suspended by wires. Like over

sized soap bubbles they seemed to him. They hovered for a moment in the air

before they began to burst and people started to appear. But each one bore

a very similar build and facial features. They were each aspects of one man.

Jareth recognized some of them immediately. At first he wanted to

laugh at the notion of what the old bastard had done but then he realized

that now HE was stuck with them and he narrowed his eyes as the crystals

burst like soap bubbles and the men each appeared one by one. "Damn him!"

He could only count twenty-five of them.

Jareth sat up right in his throne, the crystal in his hand had

dissolved. He had no use for it just then. One of them came bounding

towards him. It was a twenty-ish year old boy with stringy, tangled blond

hair.

"'Ey man, What is this, 'ere place?" The young androgynous boy

was dressed very femininely. "Look, I's gotta get home, ya know. I got this

bloke with a contract who's like expectin' me for a gig."

Jareth groaned at David Robert Jones. "Oh, just sit down and

shut the Hell up!"

The boy continued on. "You seem like a reasonable, fella. Tell

ya what, ya get me home, like all safe and sound, ya know, and I's can get ya

tickets to an Iggy concert. I swear it on me mother's grave, no jivin' ya."

Jareth sighed and leaned forward. "Dave?"

"Yeah, man?"

"Is your mother even dead?"

Before the boy could answer another commotion caught Jareth's

attention. Two of the other "characters" were arguing.

Two nearly identical characters, Ziggy Stardust and Hallowe'en Jack

were yelling at one and other.

The slightly younger and more child-like of the two frowned, his

glittering costume leaving a sparkles along the throne room floor tiles. He

seemed taller then the other but that was only because his bright red

platformed shoes were larger. The other was dressed very nearly the same but

he wore a spiked dog's collar around his neck and an eye patch over his

right, non-dilated eye.

Ziggy moaned in as deep a despair as one could be in who was high as

a kite and then some. "Awe, man! Don't go bringin' me down. It ain't true

and I ain't gotsta believe ya!"

The one with the eye patch retorted with a grin. "It's a fact, Dad. You is

over. You is dead, gone, done with and like buried. I's the next phase.

You're like out of it, man!" He folded his arms and smirked.

A sly looking man with blond hair stepped over to Hallowe'en Jack.

"I have one thing to say to you." Monte said. He grinned, knowing

all about The Diamond Dogs album and Jack's obsession with George Orwell's

1984 novel.

Ziggy and Jack turned and looked at him blankly.

"Big Brother."

"No way! No way, man! BIG BROTEHR?!?!" Hallowe'en Jack's eyes

went wide. He screamed as he began to run around the room frantically.

"Agghhghhhhhahhhh!"

Jareth rubbed his temples.

Hallowe'en Jack ran head long right in to Paul. Paul fell flat on

to his back. Without so much as an "Excuse me" Hallowe'en Jack looked at

Paul and then climbed to his feet. He continued on running and screaming

until he was out of breath. He then started up running again, his arms

spread as he darted around wildly screaming some more. Finally he ran right

in to a wall and fell unconscious to the floor.

Jareth sighed. "I'm going to kill him for this!"

To: .

Subject: [labyfic] A piece of mind (Part 2 of 2)

From:

Date: Fri, 19 May 2000 19:30:19 EDT

That was when Ziggy Stardust perked up as he looked at Jareth with

a sparkle of arousal in his eyes. "Well, 'ello there." Skipping, with his

bright red platformed shoes clip clopping against the floor he rushed over to

Jareth and leaped in to his lap.

Jareth's eyes went wide, unsure of what this creature was doing.

"What the-"

Before the word could pass his lips Ziggy was giggling as he tilted

his head back and then looked in to Jareth's eyes. "What's wrong, there,

mate? You look totally down, ya know?" He did not give Jareth enough time

as he babbled on. He frowned. "Me and me boys, The Spiders gonna be

splittin' up soon, or so that Jack fella' says. But that ain't gonna kill

ol' Ziggy, naw aw! Ya just wait an' see. I'll show ya. I'll show ya all!

I'm likes immortal and=E2=80=A6. Stuff=E2=80=A6 " his mind was drifting from the

excess of drug abuse "ya know! Ya know, yous reminds me a me ol' pal, Mickey."

"Oh, stop it!" Jareth cried as he tried to shove him off of his lap.

"I look nothing like "Mickey"!"

"'Course, ya do, if you like, umm.. dyed ya hair and like tarted

yourself up just a smidge more so then ya 'ready is. But ya know, you is

like outa sight as it is! Don't go changin' nuthin' You is beautiful,

man!"

Jareth smiled. Maybe he had misjudged this hyper-active creature. "You think

so, do you?"

"Yeah."

"Just where exactly do you come from?" Jareth asked.

"Mars, a course. Me and me boys, The Spiders from Mars. It's like

way groovy, far out, wicked cool there! Ya should see it sometimes, it's

like... Wooah! It can like blow your mind."

"Ah, but my question is did you had a mind to start out with?" Jareth

asked.

He pressed close in to Jareth. "Ya know, yous is like a really

handsome chap for some washed up, ol' tart. I got half a mind ta take ya

right now . Now, would ya be fancyin' a good rogerin' this evein', mate? I

sure is the best there is. Ain't no jive, man. Just ask 'round. And ya

look all pent up, ya know. Ain't nuthin' like a little free shag 'ere and

there to loosin' ya up before or after=E2=80=A6 or durrin' a big gig."

"That's it!" Jareth shoved him off.

Ziggy fell to the floor with a small thud, landing on his bum.

"Awe, come on man. I's the best there is. You ain't had no one like me

befores! I'm tellin' ya, you'd love it. 'sides, you is gorgeous and ya

can't deny that I'm like makin' ya all good an' randy."

Aladdin Sane squatted in the corner, VERY paranoid. He looked at

Bernie with fear as his eyes darted from left to right. "You were sent by

THEM, weren't you?" He leapt up and grabbed Bernie by his shirt front.

"Weren't you?!?"

Bernie smiled coyly at him. "And if I was?"

The gun-toting pistolero aimed his gun at Aladdin's head and pulled

the trigger. Fortunately the bullet missed it's mark and shot a hole through

The Shark's fin. He didn't even feel it.

Jareth cried out. "Please, I would thank you NOT to shoot your alter

egos! Thank you."

Johnny had taken to stalking The leader of the dreamers.

"Stop following me!" The dreamer cried out. "For the love of God-

stop following me!"

Major Jack Celliers lay curled up in a little ball on the floor. He

was shuddering. The isolation and starvation in the POW camp had gotten the

better of his mind and now he believed himself to be mad.

Andy Warhol kneeled down beside him with sympathy. "For God's sake

would someone fetch this fellow something to eat?"

John Blaylock ran over to Jareth. "You have to do something!"

Jareth clicked his tongue on the roof of his mouth. His tone was

irritable and patronizing at once. "About what?"

John Blaylock held out his hand in front of Jareth. "What do you

see?"

Jareth narrowed his eyes. He could see a slight discolouration on

the back side of the young man's hand. "Liver spots, I'm guessing."

"I'm a young man. I'm a young man! Don't you see? I shouldn't have

liver spots! I'm a young man!"

Jareth muttered to himself. "That's what you think."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, nothing." Jareth smiled knowingly.

Seeing that Jareth would not help him John Blaylock rushed

desperately over to Phillip Jeffries who was selling his soul to The Devil.

The Devil turned and looked at John. "If you sell me your soul I'll

see that you remain eternally young and that he-" He gestured over to the

Elephant man "-can live a normal life. Hmmm? What do you say, John?"

Before John could answer him Mr. Rice stepped over to him and

affectionately wrapped his arm around him. "Have I something to show you."

Mr. Rice whispered something in to John's ear and the two walked off together

to the far side of the room.

Cheep villainous laughter rang through the castle as The Devil

spoke with. Pontius Pilate.

Jareth covered his ears. "That'll be enough of that, thank you

very much!"

In the far corner of the room Thomas Jerome Newton sat somewhat

dazed as his eyes moved about the crowded throne room. He was becoming

increasingly uncomfortable and nervous.

The Thin White Duke stepped over to him.

"Say, do I know you? You look very familiar."

Thomas shook his head, aching for a drink. "I don't think so." His

dark glasses hiding his recently damaged eyes completely.

"You know, I'm an alien." The Thin White Duke said nonchalantly.

"Sure you are." Thomas said cynically as he turned his head away

with a slight, ironic smile on his lips for just a moment. His mind flashed

back to his wife and children on their dying world far away. He didn't even

know if they were dead or alive.

Colin Morris walked over to the window. The curtains were drawn.

The Thin White Duke watched him and in a panic cried out. "Don't open those

curtains!"

"Why not?"

"Because of the sun light! I'll melt!"

"Don't you mean that he'll melt?" Vendice Partners pointed over

to John Blaylock who did not appear to be aging rapidly anymore as he and Mr.

Rice sat discussing the nineteenth century.

Hungrily, John Blaylock stood up and walked over to Pontius Pilate

and grabbed Pontius Pilate by the throat. He cut him open with a sharp blade

before feeding. Pontius Pilate tried to struggle but it was of little use.

Jareth stepped over to John and pulled him off of the other who

now lay on the floor bleeding. "I asked you NOT to kill each other!"

Meanwhile back on Earth David sat dazed staring at the BowieNet

icons on his computer screen. By now it was eight AM on Earth.

His wife drew the curtains. "Darling, the car's out front."

He spoke in a dull monotone. "I don't care." All the passion

had left him.

"Are you feeling all right?" She asked him.

Back in The Underground Monte walked over to Vendice

Partners. "I'll bet you that if you open those curtains nothing will happen

to any of us."

With that Vendice Partners opened the curtains wide. The Thin White

Duke let out an ear splitting scream and yet nothing happened. The Thin

White Duke looked around in mild embarrassment.

Jareth smirked as he leaned up against the wall. "Oh, Vendice,

that was just cruel. Just what exactly were you doing before you were wished

away?"

"Oh, I was dancing on a giant type writer."

Jareth rolled his eyes. "I had to ask."

Major Tom Wondered around the room.

Colin Morris began to chat with Thomas Jerome Newton about this and

that though Thomas didn't say very much at all to him.

Jareth looked around, realizing that The Thin White Duke was no

longer in the throne room. "Did anyone see where that boney cocaine induced

delusional psychopath ran off to?"

Major Tom, Halowe'en Jack (Who was just waking up from being knocked

unconscious), and Aladdin Sane looked at Jareth blankly as for a moment the

room seemed totally silent. Jareth rolled his eyes. "Never mind."

Paul looked at Jareth. "I saw where The Thin White Duke ran off to if

that's who you were looking for."

"Oh, where?"

"Well, he said something about storing his urine in the fridge."

"WHAT?!?!"

Thomas Jerome Newton turned towards The gun-toting pistolero and

asked. "May have a look at it? May I see it, hmm?"

As Jareth dragged The Thin White Duke back in to the throne room

by his ear he saw that Thomas Jerome Newton was handling the pistolero's gun

"Should he be allowed near that?"

"Why not?" asked Monte as he looked at Thomas. "If Viv could handle

holding one I'm sure the little bugger won't cause too much damage."

"Well, for one thing he's just about as blind as a bat." Jareth

said as he let go of The Thin White Duke and folded his arms.

Monte called over to Thomas. "'Ey, Geaszer, how many fingers am I

holding up?" Monte held up two fingers.

Thomas narrowed his eyes from behind his dark glasses. "umm=E2=80=A6 Three?"

Monte shrugged and dropped his hand. "Good enough."

Aladdin Sane Stared off in to space seeing a swirling and mingling

of colours and shapes that no one else could. "Woah! The colours. The

colours, the colours! The Colours! The Colours!"

A loud shot rang out as Thomas "accidentally" shot himself in the

head. Fortunately though one of the "personas" (more then likely Monte) had

been clever enough to replace the bullets with blanks.

Jareth groaned. "Bloody manic depressive aliens."

Half the room fell quiet as they looked on to see that Aladdin

Sane and Hallowe'en Jack were becoming intimate right on The Throne Room

floor.

"All right!" Jareth cried. "That does it! I don't care if you

were wished away! You're ALL going back where you belong!"

David blinked as his mind was once again bombarded with the voices.

Then suddenly in a burst of glittering sparkles and sparklets Jareth

appeared before him. "You don't even have to solve The Labyrinth! They're

yours! Keep them!"

And with that Jareth disappeared.

Jareth looked around the now quiet throne room and sighed. He

felt monumentally tired. He decided right then and there that he would take

a very long nap.

David looked to his wife and realized immediately that something was

missing but what was it.

Jareth yawned and stretched as he entered his bed chamber. His eyes

then went wide with fear. Laying in his bed was Ziggy Stardust.

"Come on, ducky." Ziggy said. "Ya, know ya wanna! Life ain't no fun

without a good rogerin' here and there. Just gotta let yer self go!"

A loud scream was heard from The Goblin King, echoing through out

The Underground that night.

The End.

To: ., ,

, , ,

, , ,

,

Subject: [labyfic] A piece of mind 2 (New) Part 1 of 4

From:

Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2000 19:52:41 EDT

A piece of mind 2:

Group therapy:

(Yes, I have lost my mind. And I blame David Bowie and that's why I

am writing this. Let's see just what happens when an insane man wishes away

ALL the voices in his head!)

Disclaimer: I do not own Jareth and I most certainly do NOT own

David Bowie or his character portrayals.

David Bowie personas and or characters of this story:

David Robert Jones------------ A young struggling, singer/ painter (Bowie

before he became David Bowie)

Jareth ------------- Goblin King *(Labyrinth)*

Ziggy Stardust---- Sexually "Free", angst and drug induced rock persona out

for a good time- believing himself to be a messiah from Mars, singing his

message of sexual liberty through Rock 'n roll music. (The rise and fall of

Ziggy Stardust and the spiders from Mars)

Major Tom------------ (Astronaut of Space Oddity and Ashes to Ashes the

song, somewhat similar to The man who fell to Earth)

Hallowe'en Jack ------- Ziggy Stardust, while obsessed with the novel 1984,

with an eye patch

Aladdin Sane------------ Ziggy Stardust with a different make up job,

supposedly more mature.

Thomas Jerome Newton----------- Melancholy, alcoholic alien who had his

vision destroyed by x-rays. (The man who fell to Earth)

The Thin White Duke------------ A drug induced persona believing himself to

be The man who fell to Earth- delusional man. (Album, Station to Station)

Monte------- Habitual liar, bad gambler ( The Linguini Incident)

Mr. Rice------------ Four hundred year old man, kept alive by potions

(Exhuming Mr. Rice AKA Mr. Rice's secret)

Paul---- Somewhat dazed gigolo (Just another gigolo)

Major Jack Celliers --------------- A prisoner of war- soldier of world war

two (Merry Christmas Mr. Lawrence.)

John Blaylock--------- A vampire (The Hunger)

Vendice Partners --------------------- (Absolute Beginners)

The Shark ------------------------- A shark (Yellowbeard)

Colin Morris ----------------------- A nerd (In to the Night)

Pontius Pilate ----------------- (The last temptation of Christ)

Phillip Jeffries -------------------- (Twin Peaks: Fire walk with me)

Andy Warhol ----------------------- (Basquiat)

Bernie ---------------------------- Gangster under blackmail over his

sexual desires. The second hand of a Mafia like group. (Everybody loves sun

shine AKA BUSTED)

A gun-toting pistolero ------------------------ ( Il Mio West )

Mefastophalies ------------------------- The Devil (Faust- the play)

The elephant man ---------------------------- (The Elephant man)

The leader of the dreamers---------------( Omikaron- the computer game) (I

hope I spelt that right)

Johnny ------------------------ An American, jealous, dancing, lover,

stalker, who batters his wife. (The song I'm afraid of Americans, John, I'm

only dancing, John, I'm only dancing (again), and the song Repetition)

Baby grace----------------- A high teenaged girl (I have no idea where that

came from)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

They say that there are many aspects to the human mind, like the

tiny facets to a crystal. What if that crystal were to shatter or were

cracked? And secondly, what would happen if those personalities had been

wished away to The Underground?

-------------------------

In a burst of glitter and light Jareth appeared before David

Bowie. Around his ankle clung the extremely thin and peculiar looking man,

whose arms were wrapped tightly around Jareth's leg. This ...person was

practically covered in glitter and his hair was a fiery red colour.

"Look," Jareth said, "this simply can't go on like this. You wish at

least one of them away once a week." He kicked frantically at the man that

clung to his leg, trying to pry him off. Finally Ziggy Stardust shook free

and fell backward on to the floor.

David Bowie looked over at Ziggy Stardust and as if demanding a pet

dog he said "Ziggy, Sit!"

Ziggy stood up and dusted himself off. "What do ya think I am, some

sorta diamond dog or somethin'?" He paused as if in deep thought. "Hmmm...

that ain't a half bad idea of a song or album title, ya know."

David folded his arms and looked coldly at Ziggy Stardust. "Don't

be a fool, Ziggy. You already have your own album. Anyway, that one belongs

to Aladdin Sane.

Jareth interrupted him, having grown used to the lot of characters by

now. "I thought it was Hallowe'en Jack's."

David Bowie sighed, and made a careless gesture. "Which ever."

"Blimey!" Ziggy Stardust Said, his eyes widening in astonishment.

"Even the old geezer can't tell us apart no mores." He whimpered lightly.

"I ain't original anymores! No! That's not cool! Don't go bringin' me down

like this, man! Come on! That ain't cool!."

Jareth feigned sympathy as best he could. "Now, see what you've

gone and done, David? You've hurt the little bugger's feelings." As Ziggy

Stardust quietly sobbed Jareth patted him on the head lightly, like a loyal

pet.

David narrowed his eyes at Jareth, knowing that Jareth truly did not

care what Ziggy Stardust felt.

"Jareth, I wished him away! You HAVE to take him!"

"But that's just it!" Jareth said, "David, you wish them away at

least once a week, I can't possibly take ALL of them!" Jareth had lost

interest in pretending that he cared about Ziggy Stardust and left him as he

was for the time being.

"But I wished them away!" David Bowie argued. "I'll go mad if I

have to deal with all of them!"

Jareth folded his arms and muttered "It's a little late for

that, David."

"Jareth, you have to keep at least one of them!" He seemed to

be pleading now. "You try living one day with all of those personas haunting

you! It's exhausting! I bet you can't even survive one day with all of

them."

Jareth knew the laws of The Underground. If something or someone

were wished away by someone who knew the right words he had to take them.

But he also knew how to loophole his own laws. "Fine."

David Bowie blinked his eyes. "Fine?"

"Yes, you heard me. I'll take them, all of them for one day, at the

end of the day I'll decide which one to keep and you get stuck with the rest,

is that a deal?"

"But you'll just go for the least intolerable one!"

"You had better believe that's what I'll do, David. Do I look like

one of your mindless little worshippers?"

"At least most of my worshipers at least know how to work a PC. I

am not the only one here with 'mindless worshippers'. That would be the pot

that called the kettle black there, Jareth!"

"I'd see the comparison but I rather fear your lovely little

personas are more then likely smoking the pot, David."

Jareth turned and disappeared, taking with him about twenty five

of the voices in David Bowie's head.

To: ., ,

, , ,

, , ,

,

Subject: [labyfic] A piece of mind 2 (New) Part 2 of 4

From:

Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2000 19:53:17 EDT

Jareth stood in his private bed chamber. He stared at the small

crowd of very similar men in the room.

Ziggy Stardust lay down on Jareth's bed and promptly peeled off his

clothing. All Jareth could think to do was stare at him wide eyed as he did

this.

A pair of pink panties flew across the room and landed on the hanging

chandelier.

Aladdin Sane started to hump the bedpost. Hallowe'en Jack

proceeded to hump Aladdin Sane...

Jareth slowly began to back out of the room, nearly stumbling in to

Monte who was trying to convince The gun-toting pistolero to rob the castle.

Monte smiled at The gun-toting pistolero. "Come on. Where's you're

sense of adventure, your gambling spirit? It would be fun."

Jareth quickly disappeared and appeared behind Monte. He grabbed

Monte by his jacket collar. "Oh, no you don't! Not in my castle, you

don't!." As Jareth half dragged him out of the room he said "Come on."

The rest of the personas followed Jareth and Monte, who

struggled futilely against Jareth.

Ziggy Stardust, Aladdin Sane, and Hallowe'en Jack were left by

the bed to do what they would please. And Jareth decided to burn the covers,

the sheets, the pillows and the mattress later once they were through with...

that.

Jareth took his "Guests" down the hall. For the most part they

were quiet, save for the fact that Major Jack Celliers nearly passed out

about three times, and John Blaylock wanted to feed off of him.

Jareth turned around and glared at him, letting go of his grip on

Monte's collar. "Would you two stop that! How many times have I told you NOT

to kill each other?"

David Robert Jones spoke up. "But he won't stop biting me!"

Jareth gritted his teeth. "John Blaylock, how many times do I have to

tell you-"

John Blaylock quickly interrupted him, feeling the need to defend

himself "But it wasn't me this time!"

Jareth's eyes shifted to the shark. The shark looked from left to

right to make certain that Jareth was glaring at him. "What? It wasn't me.

I just had a tuna sandwich before we left!"

"Then who was it?"

David Robert Jones then pointed an accusing finger towards The leader

of The dreamers. The leader of the dreams then tried to defend himself.

"Well, he said that my songs were biting off of his! So I decided to show

him what it would REALLY feel like if I had bitten off of him."

David Robert Jones rubbed his arm, which was bleeding just slightly

from the bite. "Owe, but that hurt."

Andy Warhol looked over at David Robert Jones as he half supported

the barely conscious Major Jack Celliers in his arms. "Ugh, that's

disgusting! The boy's getting blood everywhere!"

John Blaylock looked hungrily at David Robert Jones. "What a

waste of food."

Bernie placed a hand on John Blaylock's shoulder. "Hey, come

on, man. He said we can't kill each other."

Major Jack Celliers weakly interrupted them "Leave him alone, he's

just hungry!"

"Ease off, old man." Said Johnny as he wrapped his arm around the

meek Baby Grace who did nothing to fight against his innuendoes. "Let him

alone. We each can do our own thing, you know."

"Mind your own business!" Monte intervened.

"Up yours!" Argued Bernie.

Monte just looked at Bernie with a blank expression. "Wait a

moment, I'm on your side."

"Oh, so very sorry. We all look so much alike."

Major Tom spoke up. "I vote we each get certified name tags!

Nice bug, gawky name tags so you can tell us all apart!"

Mefastophalies glared at Major Tom. "I am the master of all that

is evil and you want ME to wear a name tag! I don't think so!"

The elephant man looked around with quiet apathy. "I don't really think I

need a name tag."

A small fight ensued and though the rest could eventually be

calmed Jareth eventually left David Robert Jones and John Blaylock there in

the hall.

John Blaylock was feeding off of David Robert Jones who was screaming out

desperately for someone named "Defries." This caused several of the personas

to start to cheer in John Blaylock's favour.

Baby Grace, The head of the dreamers and Johnny stayed

behind to watch the struggle and then the gory feeding. Bernie said nothing

but as he walked away with the rest of the group he felt quietly though

distinctly aroused by it all and by the handsome chaps around him, being as

narcissistic as the next David Bowie persona.

Thomas Jerome Newton, who had been completely quiet up until now

paused in his walk. His expression on his countenance had been unreadable but

now it looked somewhat disturbed and ill at ease. "Hmmm.... Ummm... Jareth?"

Jareth turned and looked back at him. "Yes, Thomas?"

"He... well... " He gestured over to Bernie. "I really don't

think that's a gun in his pocket."

Jareth rolled his eyes. "Bernie, don't hump the alien!" He then

muttered, "You don't know where he's been..."

Soon they came to a room, which had many mirrors of many shapes,

and sizes scattered about. There was a vanity mirror on top of a dresser.

On the surface top of this dresser lay bottles of glitter, mascara, several

bottles of hairspray, a razor, and a few balled up socks. No one dared

mention, though it was silently known through out the collective group of

personas, that this was Jareth's private dressing room. And they all knew

the purpose of the balled up socks without having to say a single word on it.

Jareth cleared his throat and quickly shoved the balled up socks

in to the right hand draw of the dresser.

Scattered around the room were capes, silk and velvet shirts cut at

many lengths and styles, tight trousers of many colours, leather, healed

boots, and leather gloves.

Phillip Jeffries blinked his eyes. "Just what are we doing in

here?"

Vendice Partners muttered to Mr. Rice "I think our leader wants

to check his make up."

Jareth glared over at Vendice Partners. "Oh, would you shut

up!" Jareth stepped over to one of the mirrors and grabbed up a hairbrush

off of the dresser.

Jareth began to brush out his own hair. For a moment he

looked disturbed because his hair had gotten tangled in the hair brush. Then

he managed to wrench the hair brush free from his tangle of blond hair.

Thomas Jerome Newton stepped up to Jareth and whispered

something to him. Jareth placed down his hair brush and without even looking

at him he said, "No! You can't remove your human guise and walk around

completely naked! Are you out of your bleeding mind?"

The thin white duke had been quietly searching for a small pocket

or hand held mirror for his cocaine. He had been successful in finding what

he wanted. He looked up from what he had been doing and replied to Jareth.

"Do you really want him to answer that?"

At this point John Blaylock had caught up with the rest of the group

and looked very satisfied though his real reason for appearing had been

because he had heard someone say the word "Bleeding."

It was then that Jareth remembered something that David Bowie had

once said ("Crikey, Buster, how gobsmackingly presumptuous you are! Do you

know how many f--king personas I get through a day!?! Do you have any idea

how crowded the dinner table gets in this house. And they all have their own

opinions. None of them mine. I bet you're not even one of them are you? Are

you one of my opinions? I thought not. Until you've walked in my shoes, or

rather, until I've walked in my shoes I should bloody well 'shut up' until

I'm asked for my opinion, shan't I? =E2=80=A6I'm sorry, I have to go and see my

doctor. ") And off to see a doctor is exactly where they would go.

"All right!" Jareth cried. "That does it! ALL of you follow me,

Blaylock, go fetch Ziggy and his ....companions out of my bed chamber.

Thomas, you see who's left alive out there in the hall. We're all going out.

"

Thomas Jerome Newton blinked his eyes "Out where?"

To: .

Subject: [labyfic] A piece of mind 2 (New) Part 3 of 4

From:

Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2000 19:54:54 EDT

Several hours later they all walked in to an office building

somewhere in a major city on Earth.

Jareth managed to cram all of the personas and himself in to the

lift, to try and get them all to the eighteenth floor.

Thomas Jerome Newton spoke in protest. "Oh, no. I'll take the

stairs."

"Oh, nonsense. Don't be ridiculous. It's eighteen flights." Argued

Andy Warhol.

Thomas Jerome Newton looked gravely worried. He was, physically, the

weakest of all the personas and being from a planet of a much lighter

gravitational pull his body was greatly stricken by the Earth's gravity and

could not bear the sudden motion.

Needless to say, after Jareth pressed the button Thomas Jerome Newton

moaned and in a few short seconds fell unconscious to the floor of the lift.

His nose was trickling blood.

John Blaylock smiled. "If he doesn't wake up can I eat him?"

"No!" Jareth said as the lift came to a stop on their floor.

"Someone pick him up and carry him the rest of the way."

Eventually Monte took Thomas Jerome Newton in his arms, surprised

at his lightness as carried him down the hall with the rest of the troop just

a few meters ahead of him.

They soon came to the room.

All of the personas were gathered around a large table in a

fairly decent sized room. Even David Robert Jones was there though by now

the young man was far paler from severe blood loss though he was not dead.

Thomas Jerome Newton slowly came around, having been seated near a

window.

"Are you all right?" Monte asked him.

Thomas Jerome Newton moaned once. He turned and looked at Monte.

Before he could manage to say anything at all he doubled over in a spasm.

And Monte was quickly covered in a nearly transparent substance.

Monte, stood up, dripping. "Ugh! Alien vomit!"

A pretty woman, wearing a white lab jacket walked in to the room.

In her arms she carried a chart and read over the words "Multiple personality

disorder."

"Well, sir, I see your..." She placed down the chart and then

realized that there was physically a crowd in the room "...Problem.

Er...um...Wow.... I've never seen a case as severe as this one.... umm...

uh... Woah..."

Jareth stepped over to her. "Do you think you might be able to

help?"

The woman whispered the question to Jareth, "Who's paying for

this?"

Jareth replied with the name "David Bowie."

The woman smiled. "Are you certain he can afford something

like this?"

Jareth smirked. "Do I look as if I care? Anyway the man can

afford to create these.... these things.. he can afford a little group

therapy."

The woman counted them. "You do realize I charge per

patient.. er... personality, don't you?"

Jareth shrugged. "Just do what you have to do. Which ever

one is the least mad, do let me know."

"All right." She said cheerfully to the lot. "Now, first

thing's first. Who here is the strongest ego?"

At first they stared to one and other. For a moment it looked as

if they would choose Ziggy Stardust (Who sat only in a bath robe because back

at Jareth's castle in a mad fit of passion he had throne his clothes out the

window) but then without argument they all pointed towards Jareth.

The pretty female doctor looked over at Jareth. "Oh... Right...."

Jareth was busy adjusting his hair by the room's wall length two

way mirror. The adjoined room to the mirror was empty now. But even if

their had been people occupying the space on the other side of the glass

Jareth would not have cared at all and still would have used the mirror as a

common vanity mirror.

"All right," the pretty female doctor said, "and how are we

all doing today?"

David Robert Jones just moaned and fell to the floor from

lack of blood.

Major Tom said "I'm floating in a most peculiar way."

The other personas just looked at him silently.

He frowned. "Okay, so I'm a junkie."

Ziggy Stardust replied with "I don't know about you, love

but I'm extremely randy. Would any a ya fellas fancy a good rogerin'?"

Hallowe'en Jack and Aladdin Sane Both raised their

hands.

The pretty female doctor cleared her throat. "Gentlemen,

later, if you please." She then looked directly over to Hallowe'en Jack.

"And how are you?"

"Paranoid." Said Hallowe'en Jack.

"Whhha..." Said Aladdin Sane as he stared off in to space

before tipping his head back, looking very dazed in his chair.

"I want to go home." Came from Thomas Jerome Newton.

Monte smiled affectionately at the female doctor. "Hello,

I love you. Will you marry me?"

Mr. Rice looked around the room. "Oh, damn. There aren't

any twelve-year-old boys here to make 'friends' with."

For some reason or another Paul shouted "You can't have my

pig!"

Major Jack Celliers was eating tiny things he was scraping from

the under side of the table. And looked up at him after having eaten a

spider because he was so starved for food. "Why not?"

Vendice Partners slammed his fists on the table's surface. "I want a

new song number, damn it!"

The Shark looked slyly at Collin Morris.

Pontius Pilate was having a theological discussion with

Mefastophalies and had not heard the question.

Phillip Jeffries had wandered off and no one seemed to really care or

even notice.

Andy Warhol didn't realize that the question had been addressed to

all of them and sat twiddling his thumbs, wondering where he had left his

sketch book.

The pretty female doctor feigned a smile. "My... Such...

interesting reactions."

Bernie stood up and finally shouted. "I'm gay!"

"Well, that's wonderful." Said the pretty female doctor. "It's

very good to be honest with one self... er.....selves."

Ziggy Stardust replied to that with "Hey, so am I!"

Aladdin Sane chimed in. "Big deal, at least half of us are gay."

Monte interrupted. "But I like women."

And John Blaylock stated "And I like women who like women."

"And I am rather fond of women who are too young to drink

alcohol in the USA." Said Jareth.

After several minutes of arguing, the straight, gay, and

bisexual, and the few Trysexual characters (Those that would try anything

once) finally agreed to simply take the label Bisexual. All of the personas

tolerated this but Ziggy Stardust, who said that he did not believe in labels

(though he insisted that he was gay, even after flirting with every person

and piece of furniture in the room.)

The gun-toting pistolero looked around the room and then cursed

himself for being in an Italian film, while the rest had been at least

intelligent enough to be in English speaking roles. The Elephant Man began

to insist on needing a chiropractor and a plastic surgeon.

The Leader of the dreamers had slipped behind the desk in the back

of the room and was playing with the doctor's lap top computer.

Johnny, filled with enough angst to launch a rocket, had to be

pulled away from Baby Grace by Bernie and Monte because he was hurting her.

After a while it was decided that the strangest of them all was Baby Grace

for three reasons. First off, She was the only David Bowie Persona under the

age of twenty one, secondly, she was skittish. And finally, she was

definitely female, which confused a great deal of the other personas.

John Blaylock then started to weep, having placed his head down

on to the table.

Pontius Pilate patted his back gently.

"What's wrong with him?" The pretty female doctor asked.

Phillip Jeffries answered for him. "Oh, you just remind him of

the woman his lover ran off with."

John Blaylock looked up. "It's not fair! I loved Miriam!"

Thomas Jerome Newton tried to comfort him. "It's all right. I

know how you feel. I miss my wife too."

The Thin White Duke spoke up to Thomas Jerome Newton. "Then why

the Hell are you f--king the dim witted hillbilly?"

"Hey, I don't f--k her in the novel!" He argued.

Major Jack Celliers spoke up. "I hate to break this to you, Tommy,

but you're NOT the novel version of T.J. Newton! HE made sense. YOU don't!"

The pretty young woman addressed Major Jack Celliers. "Oh, so

you've read his novel? That's good. Does everyone here like to read?"

The personas did not answer.

Ziggy Stardust was picking his nose.

And Monte was trying to decide who had the better sex toy, he with

his handcuffs or Thomas Jerome Newton with his gun loaded with blanks.

The pretty female doctor spoke up again. "Why don't you each tell

me your favourite book title? Maybe that'll give me an idea of each of your

personality types. Jareth, why don't you go first and then we can work our

way around the table.

Jareth simply said "Labyrinth, the novelization by A.C.H. Smith."

Major Tom was next. "Space Odyssey by Arthur C. Clark and The man

who fell to Earth by Walter Tevis."

Thomas Jerome Newton's reply was "The man who fell to Earth by

Walter Tevis." And The thin white duke, who had been distracted by the pretty

colours only nodded in agreement to Thomas Jerome Newton. "Uh... Righ...

sure..." he then stood up. He got out of his chair and walked over to Ziggy

Stardust. "Did I actually read that?"

"No. Wait... I mean, yes. No. I don't know... Read what?"

"I don't know...."

"Uh, what were we talking about again?"

"Uhmm..."

John Blaylock, feeling somewhat compassionate, took The thin white Duke back

to his seat and eased him back in to his chair.

Monte, deciding to be cute, said that his favourite book was the

telephone number listings in the yellow pages.

John Blaylock, between sobs choked out "The Hunger." but no one

could quite make out anything that he had said after that because he started

to sob, rather loudly.

Major Jack Celliers was about to answer the question with the

name of the book that his film had originated from but then, Ziggy Stardust

who had been lightly shuddering, fell out of his chair as Hallowe'en Jack

screamed. Aladdin Sane leapt to his feet and ran in to the corner and sat

there shuddering for a long time.

"Oh," Monte said nonchalantly, "You made them think of their

favourite/ most disturbing book."

The pretty doctor blinked her eyes. "Oh, and what book

might that be?"

The entire group answered in unison. "NINETEEN EIGHTY-FOUR BY

GEORGE ORWELL!"

Aladdin Sane leapt towards the door, screaming madly. He

tried desperately to leave the room but found to his dismay that the door was

locked by Jareth. He began to run around the table, his arms in the air.

He had circled the table a good four times before Monte seemed

to "accidentally" stick his leg out and Hallowe'en Jack fell flat on his face

to the floor.

The pretty doctor wrote something down in her notes. "I see..."

To: .

Subject: [labyfic] A piece of mind 2 (New) Part 4 of 4

From:

Date: Sat, 21 Oct 2000 19:55:24 EDT

Meanwhile back in New York City David Bowie walked in to the

Office building at UltraStar Internet services at 110 West 57th street to

check on the matters of upgrading BowieNet when a secretary picked up a

telephone. She spoke in to the telephone's mouth piece. "Hello." There was

a small pause. "Oh, yes. Yes, sir. He just walked in."

The secretary picked up the telephone's receiver and walked with it

over to David Bowie. "Sir, it's Dave Statman of Nerve Creative INC for you

on the line. He said that it's rather important."

David Bowie took the telephone in hand. "Hello." He said. "Yes.

I know. I've heard. Now, Mr. Statman I've done all I can for you. And you

know I loved your last musical but...." There was a pause. "Yes, I know. I

know. And Hogwart... I mean Hoggle, no, I mean Headwig... What ever, was a

good production." There came another short pause. And David Bowie began to

suspect that he had been spending a little too much time around Jareth

lately. "Look," he said after the pause, "I appreciate the offer but I

really don't want any part in The man who fell to Earth the Broadway

musical...." There came another pause. "You'll pay me how much, if I could

find you a good Thomas Jerome Newton?" Another small pause followed. "Yes.

Yes, I'll see what I can do. Good bye."

---------------------

Several hours later David Bowie sat by his desk in his home going

over some paper work when Jareth appeared before him with two others at his

side and a slip of folded paper in his gloved hand.

Jareth dropped the paper down in front of David Bowie.

David Bowie looked up at him, somewhat curiously as he unfolded the

piece of paper. "What's all this?"

"Therapy bills. With all your personas added up- you're a

very, very ill man. As it turns out you're a...." Jareth took a deep breath

before he continued "...Disturbed, eccentric, creative, brilliant,

manic-depressive, psychotic, sexually obsessive, sexaholic, Cocaine, Pot, and

pain pill addict, sexually driven genius, inventive, imaginative, homophobic/

homosexual, bisexual, heterosexual, TRYsexual, pedophile. ....And somehow

or another you are a closet lesbian. You are an agoraphobic, claustrophobic,

paranoid, delusional, jeriphobic, aqua-obsessed, arrogant, self-absorbed,

hemo-obsessed, carnivorous, attention needing, flamboyant, semi-androgynous,

half dead, visually impaired, bad-influence, obsessive impulsive, clinically

insane, hypocritical, manipulative, aquaphobic, contradictory, narcissist

with a short attention span. You are a sadist with an obsessive compulsive

disorder. You are spoiled, selfish, stingy, brutal, wicked, evil, harsh,

kindly natured, nerdy, greedy, self-indulgent, diluted, individual. You are a

transvestite. You are a deranged, randy, lewd, sexually confused,

cross-dressing, television obsessed, obsessive, criminally insane, dangerous,

pathological liar. You are a amnesia victim, vegetarian, and melancholy,

guilty, hedonistic, innocent, extraterrestrial, blasphemous, unnatural,

power-mad, figment of a teenaged girl's imagination with a God-complex with

an identity crisis. You ARE a teenaged girl. You are an 'Unknown'

life-form, alcoholic, bigot, and chauvinistic, self-indulgent, lazy brat.

You are also a stingy, cold, bitter, self-loathing, self-contained,

self-obsessed, detached, contemptible, porpheria victim. You have acute

vampirism, blood lusting maniac with homicidal tendencies. You are going

through an identity/ mid-life crisis early, on time, and late. You are cold,

and yet somehow over sensitive, over zealous, starved, somehow with shell

shocked introverted co-dependent," he had to catch his breath, "with a

multiple personality disorder..."

"Are you quite through?"

"Yes, I believe that's all of it."

At Jareth's side stood two personas. To his left stood Thomas

Jerome Newton. And to his right stood Ziggy Stardust.

"Where- where are the rest?" David asked as he stood up,

still with the paper in hand.

"The rest of them had to be committed in a mental hospital, they're

there under observation. These were the only two they'd allow to go, mainly

because Newton here promised to go weekly AA meetings and Ziggy Stardust

tried to give the men in white jackets 'Sweet head' as they tried to drag him

off."

David tuned in his chair and tried to seem as casual as

possible. "I see. And which one are you taking with you back to The

Underground?"

Jareth lightly placed a hand on Thomas Jerome Newton's

shoulder. "This one. He's intelligent and passive. Besides, he is the

sanest of the lot, I think. I might have a use for him in my castle. At

least I know the worst trouble he'll cause is he might get pissed and shout

at his television sets."

David Bowie stood up and grabs Thomas Jerome Newton by his arm.

"No! You can't have him. I want this one!"

"You wished them away. It's my choice. He's mine!" Jareth

argued as he pulled on Thomas Jerome Newton's other arm. He would not have

been so intent on keeping this one if not for that fact that David Bowie also

seemed to want this one.

Ziggy Stardust whined. "No one wants me?" He sat down on the

floor with his legs crossed and looked as if he might cry. No one had ever

chosen another over him before. He did not know how to react to that.

For a moment it looked as if they were going to play tug of war with the poor

fellow but then Jareth managed to pull Thomas Jerome Newton away from David

Bowie and backed up, with both of his hands on Thomas Jerome Newton's

shoulders. "I am taking THIS ONE and that's final!"

----------------

A few days later Dave Statman sat with David Bowie in the empty

theatre. "Well, what do you think?" Asked David Bowie to Dave Statman.

"Well, I agree he has wonderful stage presence but I don't think he

can take this role seriously enough for-" He was suddenly interrupted by the

sight of what Ziggy Stardust was doing to one of the props. "Oh, my God!

What the Hell is he doing to the card broad space ship?"

David Bowie groaned and shook his head. Then he muttered "I

think he's trying to give it 'Sweet head'".

David Bowie climbed up on to the stage and grabbed Ziggy Stardust

by his wide collared shirt and dragged him away from the set.

"'Ey, where we goin'? You said I could be a star again!"

"We're going to get started on the Ziggy 2002 project. If I'm

going to keep you- you- you may as well earn me a decent profit! But

first.... we have to stop off home. I need you to write my latest album..."

The End.


End file.
